Why do I find it so hard to go to the gym?

Right now I'm sitting on my desk writing this and it's been over a month since I've been to the gym. It's a block from my house, rarely full and in the last two weeks it's not even that cold. In the past my gym was 10-15 minute walk or I wasn't working remotely and excuse, excuse blah blah blah.

None of the excuses I cited from my last gym exist for this one yet in the three years I've been signed up for it never did I consistently go for any reasonable period of time. Being honest with myself the barrier exists beyond something practical.

I don't feel like a gym person, or rather I don't see myself as that person and maybe that's a perpetual self-defeating cycle. Does "I am someone that trains" transform to someone that does or is it the other way around? Not sure but right now it feels like working out occupies the space of a chore in my life, like washing dishes. It needs to be a foundational part of who I am, not what I do.

This approach extends to all parts of my fitness. My eating habits boil down to hitting a set of checklists throughout the day instead of just "eat like a healthy person because that's who I am". Rather than a person who goes outside I'm the guy who needs to walk 10,000 steps a day.

At my core I believe myself to be an unhealthy person who is trying to routine, logic, discipline and plan my way into being fit. That mainfests in how I react to when ordering junk food or skipping gym. I tell myself I gave in to my natural urges rather than I went against my nature. I need to believe I'm a healthy person, and just behave accordingly.